Top Secret Government Plan: "Project UPS" Leaked

Earlier this week, an infamous hacker going by the handle  "Nude-By-Marmot" released top secret documents from the United States Pentagon. These documents apparently document the Pentagon's plan to deal with the volatile nation of North Korea. Code named "Project UPS," the plan involves three B-52 stealth bombers, and copious amounts of a dangerous drug known as brown-brown. According to the 16 page document, over the last 6 months, the United States government has been purchasing and stockpiling large amounts of cocaine and gunpowder. These narcotic purchases have been facilitated by famous author Ishmael Beah, who has strong connections to the Sierra Leone brown-brown trade. Several top-secret facilities may already be in the process of purifying the drug, on US soil. At Area 51, B-52 stealth bombers have been outfitted with an air-to-ground dispersal system to allow the narcotic to be evenly distributed over North Korea from the air. The plan seems to suggest that the plan, known as "B-Day," will be set into motion next year on Kim Jong Un's birthday. The plan is reminiscent of the Opium Wars, where the UK debilitated China's economy through opium addiction. The bombers will release close to a thousand kilos over North Korea over 5 months, where it will be ingested daily by the unwitting citizens below. For a few weeks, there will be little discernible difference. The light dusting of brown-brown will be just enough to unconsciously addict the people of North Korea. After 5 months of biweekly stealth dispersal, the United States plans to present North Korea with the following ultimatum,

"Surrender your nukes, and in exchange the United States will keep you supplied with brown-brown."

At the time this went to print, neither the Pentagon nor Dennis Rodman had responded to the leak.

Known to have connections to Brown-Brown trade

Brown-brown, in it's purest form 

The B-52 stealth bomber, the plane that will be used to dust North Korea with Brown-Brown